Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Good News vs. Bad News

31-year old Sean sends me an email with a gift attached (on POF you can use your points to purchase online graphics and attach them to your email as a "gift").

Subject: Hey how are you
Sean: (Image of Wine Glass)

and what kind of glass would that be?

Me: Always red and always a chianti.

I check out his profile. Definitely not my type.

Sean: How does the top of the hub sound?...What time should the limo pick you up?

Me: haven't been there in years.

Notice, I didn't give him a time or ask him any questions. I'm not interested, but don't want to be mean!

Sean: That's going to change..... finally a girl that appreciates a nice date!

Me: I appreciate bad ones too. lol Where the hell is Hull, MA anyhow??

I'm lining it up to tell him that he's just too far of a drive for me. Translation: I'm not interested.

Sean: I am on the ocean about a hour from Providence.

And we've got the green light to send...

Me: To be honest, it's a hike for me.

Sean: who said you would be making the drive?

Uh oh.

Me: Well, at some point I'd have to, and to be honest with work, I don't have the time for a lengthy commute.

Sean: wow your pretty optimistic.... good newz I am in the process of moving I just started my own car dealership I mostly buy and sell on e bay and Hull in at the end of the earth plus I Sold my share of the house awhile ago thank goodness it a 3k mortgage... so I am looking for a place around Brockton and that only a 35 min drive... why do you thimk I am messaging you in RI?



Me: I am optimistic, but I'm also realistic.


Are cheesy compliments supposed to change my mind!?

Me: Yes, you did. Thanks.

He doesn't seem to understand that my abrupt answers indicate that I have no desire to banter back and forth with him.

Sean: lets do this one game of heads up hold em if I win we go to capital grill on you if you win limo and top of the hub?you call me its all over!

Ok, so now he wants ME to take HIM to the CAPITAL GRILL!? He's lucky if I buy him something off the Wendy's dollar menu.

Sean: we will pick this up on a later date good night!

Begging for Friends...

Meet Kenny.. a 25 year-old black male who doesn't list his profession and his only interest is "sexy." How is that an interest?

According to his profile, he is online looking for someone to "Talk/Email."

Kenny's profile:

About Me
i have this key...
it is the key to my heart
i want you to have it
please keep it safe
and do not abuse it or lose it
for i would not know what to do
you are the only person i want
to hold the key to my heart.
you are the keeper of the key to my heart

WHAT!? This tells me NOTHING about you. NOTHING.

First Date
If you want somebody rich,
don`t choose me.
There are others richer than me.

If you want somebody smart,
don`t choose me.
There are others smarter than me.

If you want somebody pretty,
don`t choose me.
There are others prettier than me.

If you want the love,
choose me.
There is nobody who loves you more than me

Kenny....THAT IS NOT A DESCRIPTION OF A FIRST DATE. If I want someone who can read and comprehend, then I won't choose you. And why can't I have someone who is smart, pretty, successful AND who loves me?

Subject: Happy Xmas
Kenny: Hey beautiful

If you're going to partake in online dating, at least READ the person's profile and comment on something that is there. ANYTHING. "Hey beautiful" is so generic.

Me: Merry Christmas to you as well.

I don't ask Kenny any leading questions, because frankly, I'm not interested.
Does he get it? NOoooooooooooooo.

Kenny: what going on with u for the day.

Geez, I don't know, Kenny. Maybe going to the store to get you a copy of Hooked on Phonics for Christmas.

Me: Opening presents.

Again, notice I don't ask anything about him!

Kenny: cool, i will like to more about u. by the way my name is Kenny.


Me: I'm looking to date someone older than me. Good luck on here!

This is my nice way of saying, I AM NOT INTERESTED. GO AWAY.

Kenny, doesn't read between the lines so well...

Kenny: wht do u mean , it not about the age, it all about the mentality.

I don't reply, so he sends another email.

Kenny: comeon, u keep viewing my profile, i no u thinking in yur mind, if ushould or not. am been real

What?! English?! And no, I do not keep viewing your profile. Trust me on this!

Me: Umm..I really haven't though. lol. Good luck on here!

Kenny just does not give up!

Kenny: am not trying to get married on here , just trying to make friends okay, we can be friends,

Honestly, do you want to be friends with someone with someone who you have to BEG to be their friend? NEXT!

Run On Sentences

From: Chris C
Subject: Hey whats up
wow you like boxing thats exciting and I fkn love law an order I like the csi shows too I think their all good I didnt see that true blood show but i really like vampire movies first date I would say a drink at a nice kind of upscale bar not a dive or pending on what time a cup of coffee I dont know if youve ever seen it but operation repo is the fkn bomb people do crazy sh*twhen their cars are gonna get taken away oh I like parking wars to hit me up whenever and have a nice xmas take care

Holy run on sentence! I read his profile and surprise, surprise, it's also one big run on sentence. At the age of 32, you should at least know how to use a period.

Chris C's profile:
About Me
I want to meet a girl that is really pretty really nice absolutely doesnt smoke grossest thing in the world not an alcoholic not a control freak not heavy not the argumentitve type cant stand that If you want to argue go be a lawyer but a girl that is happy loveable and wants to have unconditional fun I have a dog his name is Capone if you dont love dogs it will never work Im not really the outdoorsy type I live in Providence but if my girlfriend wanted me to go hiking or whatever like outdoors people do then I would do it for her Oh yeah one last thing If your a gold digger go dig somewhere else money ruins relationships Ive never judged any girl on how much money they make that has nothing to do with their qualities Im proud of them no matter what to many people base their relationships on money thats why the divorce rate is sky high as long as the person is working and trying to better themselves that shouldnt be overlooked I have my own home If a girl was beatiful nice and not heavy and treated me with respect why would I care how much she makes who cares where she works Ill stand by her no matter what relationships should have nothing to do with money but how people treat each another when I have a girlfriend I like to spoil them some girls dont like that but thats how I am eventually some girl will appreciate it who knows maybe I can meet someone normal for once Thank You for listening to what I have to say

First Date
Well first I would ask her what she feels like doing then If she doesnt know I would suggest that we go for a drink probably somewhere not to loud so I can talk to her and get to know her a little better usually girls dont like to eat on the first date so I wouldnt go the dinner route I think the rose route is a little to much at first later on if shes hungry we could go and eat latenight somewhere and talk somemore Country music is an absolute no this is Providence not Texas Country Music should be another means of punishment in the Judicial System I cant stand that crap but at the end of the night if I had a great time I would ask her what her schedule was like an what would be the best time to call her

So, he wants a girl that is "not heavy." I'm definitely not a stick, so I'll use that as an excuse to not talk to him anymore.

ME:Thanks for the email!
I'm not a fan of CSI to be honest. lol
What is Parking Wars?
You realize that you said twice in your profile you prefer to date a female who is "not heavy." Hate to break it to you, but I'm by no means skinny!

CHRIS C: honey what do you mean your beautiful what do you weigh like a buck 20 if that I just dont want girls that are humongus sending me messages thats all Im not a chubby chaser parking wars is meter maids handing out tickets to people in the city of phillie people go crazy when they get a ticket operation repo is a really cool show to peoples cars get repoed I dont think your fat at all you look great to me

120? LOL. I haven't seen 120 since high school.
I didn't reply quickly enough, so he sent another email...

CHRIS C: honey what do you mean your beautiful what do you weigh like a buck 20 if that I just dont want girls that are humongus sending me messages thats all Im not a chubby chaser parking wars is meter maids handing out tickets to people in the city of phillie people go crazy when they get a ticket operation repo is a really cool show to peoples cars get repoed I dont think your fat at all you look great to me

CHRIS C: I sent you a message but my coputer or this site was freezing up a little meat is ok I just dont want whales calling me Im not into bigger women but believe or not alot of guys are I think your beautiful you look really good to me girls always think their a little fat your definitely not what I ment by heavy was gigantic you know like 3 or 4 hundred lbs parking wars is a show of meter maids giving out tickets peoples cars getting towed people go crazy its a pretty good show you would probably like it message me anytime take care merry xmas babe

Monday, December 28, 2009

Some people just don't get it....

Subject: Aww
Brad: checked me out but didnt message me :(..providence isnt that far and you def seem worth the drive ;)..hottest part of your you fit scorpio to a well as i do ;)...LOVE LOVE LOVE the naughty scorpios ;)...hope you write back. youre the perfect little spoon size ;)


I check out Brad's profile and no, he's not my type... AT ALL.
And "perfect little spoon size" ?! What is he? Hannibal Lector?

Me: lol..thanks....
Definitely am too busy to date someone more than 20 min away.
Good luck on here!

That is my nice way of saying, HEY NOT INTERESTED.
Does Brad get the hint? Nope.

BRAD: haha seriously??? thats the only thing stopping you? i actually work alot closer...and like i said...worth the drive...i like that you have your own life and that you dont need me EVERYDAY...will give us a chance to miss each other ;)

I don't want to get to know you..what makes you think I want to MISS you!?

I don't reply, so he sends another email.

Subject: OUCH
BRAD: oh well...maybe even worth a move....but ok good luck

ME: thanks, same to you.

For future reference: BAD IDEA. DO NOT REPLY TO CRAZIES!

BRAD: haha let me take you outttttttt ;) beverage interview at least ;)

WHY does he NOT get the hint!?

I don't reply, but that doesn't stop him from continuing to email me.

BRAD: i think we need to go out...there is NOOOOO one on this site even worth talking to :(

You're right! And I don't think you're worth talking to - so why won't you GO AWAY!?!

ME: You want kids.
I don't.
It will never work.

Good luck on here!

BRAD: haha WHAT???? thats the onlyyyyyyyyy thing holding you back???? i dont want kids NOW....i want to travel first..lots of traveling...then a house..then KIDS...far away haha

Actually, you being annoying is the main reason, but I'm being nice and using the no kids thing as an excuse.

ME: I don't want kids AT ALL. EVER.

And to be honest, I don't think you should be allowed to reproduce!

BRAD: haha no? you dont wanna pass on your amazing genes? we would make hot kids haha.....regardless id still be up for an INTERVIEW meet ;)

Why do I want to meet you if I have NO intention WHATSOEVER of dating you!?

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

IM Etiquette continued


This guy just DOES NOT get it!

So, I sign on and once again, SoftBallRIGuy just HAS to IM me.

SoftBallRIGuy: well hello
SoftBallRIGuy: youre a tough one lol
SoftBallRIGuy: lol whats a guy gotta do here

Jeez, IDK...stop being so god damn annoying maybe!?

I quickly check my inbox and then sign off.

Logged in again yesterday and guess who IM'd me? Yep, SoftBallRIGuy!

[2:39:01 pm]SoftBallRIGuy: lol geesh why dont you talk?

[2:25:15 pm]ME:because you're green
(In reference to his earlier comment about me not talking to him because he's green.)

[2:39:01 pm]SoftBallRIGuy: what do you mean?
Well if you don't know what the hell YOU mean by it, how the hell am I supposed to know!?

SoftBallRIGuy just doesn't give up hope.
Today, once again, as soon as I sign on, he IMs me....

[2:23:15 pm]SoftBallRIGuy: well hello again...

[2:23:36 pm]ME: omg you're annoying

[2:23:56 pm]SoftBallRIGuy:lol why am I annoying?

[2:24:09 pm]ME: i'm not even kidding.

[2:24:21 pm]SoftBallRIGuy: lol it is funny

[2:24:29 pm]ME: because you don't give me a chance to reply to your iMs. you continuously bombard me with messages.

[2:24:53 pm]SoftBallRIGuy: come on now...lets be werent ever going to respond anyways

[2:25:11 pm]ME: well if you thihk THAT, then why the hell keep IMing me then!?!?!!?!?

[2:25:37 pm]SoftBallRIGuy: one thing I hate is to be ignored

[2:26:32 pm]SoftBallRIGuy: i always treat people with respect...and it drives me nuts when i am ignored

[2:27:02 pm]ME: PEOPLE DO GET BUSY

[2:27:27 pm]SoftBallRIGuy: come on ...if someone signs on here they arent that busy

[2:27:44 pm]ME: ever hear of multi-tasking?!?

[2:27:47 pm]ME: please don't IM me anymore.

Does he stop IMing me? Nope!

[2:28:46 pm]SoftBallRIGuy: I dont mind doing that...if those were your feelings from the get go you could of told me and stopped any of this...but you ignored me

[2:30:00 pm]ME: just don't get it...i left my computer ON and walked away..when I got back I had a hundred missed IMs from you. what annoyed me is the fact that you couldn't WAIT for a repsonse!?

[2:30:23 pm]SoftBallRIGuy: ummm and when was this?

[2:30:31 pm]ME: omg are you insane


[2:31:10 pm]SoftBallRIGuy: i am not insane... i asked you a is that insantity?

Ugh, did I stutter when I said "PLEASE DO NOT IM ME ANY MORE" ????