Subject: Hi
YANKSFAN: oh you fancy huh?
I just shake my head at the computer screen.
Subject: Hi
YANKSFAN: how bout you pop lock and drop it on my face?
This 21 year old who is interested in "sports and beautiful women" sure does act his age.
ME: If you're looking to meet someone you seriously want to date, you shouldn't be sending crude emails such as this.
YANKSFAN: No way baby I get all the horny ones and I do em real nice
Ew.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Go Pats!
29 year-old Summer Love is "Looking for the right one!!"
Subject: Hey
SUMMERLOVE: Hey babe.. Would you like to chat?
I'm not a fan of being called 'babe' or 'baby' in any initial correspondence. I don't reply, so he sends another email.
Subject: Good afternoon
SUMMERLOVE: How are you?
ME: Great!
Direct and to the point. Notice I don't dive into a great discussion, because I'm really not interested.
SUMMERLOVE: So were you born and raised here?
Before I can respond, SUMMERLOVE sends another email.
Subject: hey
SUMMERLOVE: I take it you are not interested.. could have stated that from the beginning.
Call me crazy, but isn't the fact that I didn't reply to your initial email and then send a one word reply to your second email, a pretty good indicator that I wasn't interested? Just sayin' But that doesn't stop SUMMERLOVE from sending yet another email.
SUMMERLOVE: 781 XXX XX04
Why wouldn't he give me his number? Obviously, based on my email correspondence I am just DYING to talk to him!
ME:??? Why would you give me your phone number if you think I am not interested? That doesn't make any sense.
Maybe he thinks I'm playing hard to get?
SUMMERLOVE: Your supposed to call ;)
Or maybe I'm supposed to write this on a men's bathroom wall somewhere? Hmmm....
SUMMERLOVE: Would you like to go to the Patriots game?
As much as I'd love to go to a game, I think I'll have to pass on this one.
Subject: Hey
SUMMERLOVE: Hey babe.. Would you like to chat?
I'm not a fan of being called 'babe' or 'baby' in any initial correspondence. I don't reply, so he sends another email.
Subject: Good afternoon
SUMMERLOVE: How are you?
ME: Great!
Direct and to the point. Notice I don't dive into a great discussion, because I'm really not interested.
SUMMERLOVE: So were you born and raised here?
Before I can respond, SUMMERLOVE sends another email.
Subject: hey
SUMMERLOVE: I take it you are not interested.. could have stated that from the beginning.
Call me crazy, but isn't the fact that I didn't reply to your initial email and then send a one word reply to your second email, a pretty good indicator that I wasn't interested? Just sayin' But that doesn't stop SUMMERLOVE from sending yet another email.
SUMMERLOVE: 781 XXX XX04
Why wouldn't he give me his number? Obviously, based on my email correspondence I am just DYING to talk to him!
ME:??? Why would you give me your phone number if you think I am not interested? That doesn't make any sense.
Maybe he thinks I'm playing hard to get?
SUMMERLOVE: Your supposed to call ;)
Or maybe I'm supposed to write this on a men's bathroom wall somewhere? Hmmm....
SUMMERLOVE: Would you like to go to the Patriots game?
As much as I'd love to go to a game, I think I'll have to pass on this one.
Height Issues?
Doktor is an 5' 6 "independently wealthy/head bagger" and definitely not my type.
Subject: hi
DOKTOR: hey what's going on-- am upbeat and love to laugh... do you ever get to Boston? I went to school in Providence and know the area very well--let's get together
ME: Thanks so much for the email but I'd rather date someone that lives right in
Providence. Good luck on here.
DOKTOR: maybe I'm to tall for you
What?!
Subject: hi
DOKTOR: hey what's going on-- am upbeat and love to laugh... do you ever get to Boston? I went to school in Providence and know the area very well--let's get together
ME: Thanks so much for the email but I'd rather date someone that lives right in
Providence. Good luck on here.
DOKTOR: maybe I'm to tall for you
What?!
Jerk-Off Pics
29 year old Joseph is "Looking for easy going Gal."
Subject: Hi
OH MY GOSH SO R SO FCKING HOT HOT HOT I WOULD HIT THAT ASS ALL DAY LONG AND THEN SOME!!! Slap that ass!!! you got a nice butt honey.. I bet your sweet as sugar too!
Girl you got it going on. Your not my type but thanks for jerk off pics ha ha lol!!!
Really? I mean REALLY!? I don't understand the mentality behind emails like these. Are you looking to date? Or just hook-up? There's a whole section on Craiglist.org for just hook-ups. Maybe Joseph should look there. Oh and there is not ONE single picture of my ass on my profile, so I have no idea how he can infer any type of opinion on my budunkadunk. So instead of replying with a snide comment like I always do, I figure let's really ask what is going on here. So I do.
ME: Why the need to send a crude email?
JOSPEH: you don't like the fact i think your very attractive! Your like the
hottest girl on this silly site, your prob getting few hundred emails a day! later
He couldn't have just sent a polite email stating "I think you're attractive." ?!
JOSEPH: did that make you feel better?
ME: Was it supposed to?
Honestly, if you're trying to meet a nice girl to date, sending emails saying "Thanks for the jerkoff pics" isn't the way to go about it.
JOSEPH: oh if I said Hi! I'm Joseph, bla bla bla I have a degree in Business and Engineering bla bla have owned a business for 10 years bla bla I enjoy kayaking and hiking .... bla bla its boring you would not respond but if i send crap like i did i got a response and a little humor from it
Well, actually....
ME: Honestly, I would have taken you a lot more seriously had you sent something like that instead of "Thanks for the jerk off pics." I have a sense of humor, but that was crude and unclassy.
Best of luck to you on here.
JOSEPH: I you just want to hangout and go for a walk around Newport or something i would be up for that! I'm not much of a bar kind of guy I like the simple things in life.. I also have soft hands and give very good backrubs.. I also think you have the best boobies in the whole wide world!!!
Block user.
Subject: Hi
OH MY GOSH SO R SO FCKING HOT HOT HOT I WOULD HIT THAT ASS ALL DAY LONG AND THEN SOME!!! Slap that ass!!! you got a nice butt honey.. I bet your sweet as sugar too!
Girl you got it going on. Your not my type but thanks for jerk off pics ha ha lol!!!
Really? I mean REALLY!? I don't understand the mentality behind emails like these. Are you looking to date? Or just hook-up? There's a whole section on Craiglist.org for just hook-ups. Maybe Joseph should look there. Oh and there is not ONE single picture of my ass on my profile, so I have no idea how he can infer any type of opinion on my budunkadunk. So instead of replying with a snide comment like I always do, I figure let's really ask what is going on here. So I do.
ME: Why the need to send a crude email?
JOSPEH: you don't like the fact i think your very attractive! Your like the
hottest girl on this silly site, your prob getting few hundred emails a day! later
He couldn't have just sent a polite email stating "I think you're attractive." ?!
JOSEPH: did that make you feel better?
ME: Was it supposed to?
Honestly, if you're trying to meet a nice girl to date, sending emails saying "Thanks for the jerkoff pics" isn't the way to go about it.
JOSEPH: oh if I said Hi! I'm Joseph, bla bla bla I have a degree in Business and Engineering bla bla have owned a business for 10 years bla bla I enjoy kayaking and hiking .... bla bla its boring you would not respond but if i send crap like i did i got a response and a little humor from it
Well, actually....
ME: Honestly, I would have taken you a lot more seriously had you sent something like that instead of "Thanks for the jerk off pics." I have a sense of humor, but that was crude and unclassy.
Best of luck to you on here.
JOSEPH: I you just want to hangout and go for a walk around Newport or something i would be up for that! I'm not much of a bar kind of guy I like the simple things in life.. I also have soft hands and give very good backrubs.. I also think you have the best boobies in the whole wide world!!!
Block user.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
How Do You Feel About GO-TEEs ?
34-year-old ReNard (I think his screen name should be ReTard) " want to travel to Australia in the new future." The new future? As opposed to the old future?
Subject: Hi
ReNard: good afternoon
Me: Howdy
Renard: Hi T. I feel like i won a jackpot. LOL. I have "go tee" facial hair now. Dont you like the facial hair at all? - anton
Who the hell is T!?
Me: Not AT ALL.
ReNard: can we chat?
Me: You'd have to put up at least two more photos for that to happen.
Because as of right now, this is the only photo he has on his profile....
Seriously? Didn't he just say he had a "go tee" ?! Well, where is it? Hmm... My guess is he scanned this photo from an ad.
ReNard: but you said something about the facial hair in the profile
He's obviously not keeping up with the conversation here.
Me: I don't like facial hair AT ALL. Not even a goatee.
ReNard: i can send them [the photos] to your e mail
Me: Why can't you just post them like everyone else?
ReNard: Smart question. I am not comfortable to float my picture in the internet
Me: Well, I'm more into the confident type. Don't think it would work out.
Bye, bye!
Monday, August 23, 2010
One Dump or Two?
Subject: Hi
Rick: your so beautiful id lick your bumm hole till u came lol
Umm...excuse me?
Me: Can I take a dump first?
Because with all the shit he's talking, I think he'd quite like it.
Rick:suuuuure what ever u want as long as i hear you moaning lol ;)
Minutes later....
Rick:sooo does it sound like a plan ? lol
He is certainly eager.
Me: Sure, when my hemroids stop flaring up.
Rick: awww dont worry about them there just lil bumps in the road;) haha
Ew.
Rick: Hey im ricky by the way , just tryin to get you to laugh and have a lil fun im not really a dirtbag i was havin a good time laugh and thought u where to but you seem like a really cool person and if im not for u i hope u find what u want but just remember u gotta find a guy that thinks your really beautiful and really likes you to lick your butt hole ;) lol jk
Me: You know what they say about first impressions.....
Thanks for the email, but I'm looking to date someone who doesn't mention my anus as an icebreaker. It's rude and inappropriate.
Good luck on here!
Rick: your so beautiful id lick your bumm hole till u came lol
Umm...excuse me?
Me: Can I take a dump first?
Because with all the shit he's talking, I think he'd quite like it.
Rick:suuuuure what ever u want as long as i hear you moaning lol ;)
Minutes later....
Rick:sooo does it sound like a plan ? lol
He is certainly eager.
Me: Sure, when my hemroids stop flaring up.
Rick: awww dont worry about them there just lil bumps in the road;) haha
Ew.
Rick: Hey im ricky by the way , just tryin to get you to laugh and have a lil fun im not really a dirtbag i was havin a good time laugh and thought u where to but you seem like a really cool person and if im not for u i hope u find what u want but just remember u gotta find a guy that thinks your really beautiful and really likes you to lick your butt hole ;) lol jk
Me: You know what they say about first impressions.....
Thanks for the email, but I'm looking to date someone who doesn't mention my anus as an icebreaker. It's rude and inappropriate.
Good luck on here!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Do you have a BONNER?
Subject: Hi
DaveG: I have bonner
24-year-old Dave has a 2-year-old daughter, smokes often, is "much interested in anything that has to do with enjoying life" and is looking for a "looking for a decent girl with a good head on her shoulders." And he has a bonner.
Me: What does that even mean?
DaveG: it means u make my pee pee go boing boing wana fuk
Me: Well first off, you should learn how to spell. It's "BONER" not "BONNER."
Secondly, if you really are looking for "a good girl to get to know," then you shouldn't be sending these immature e-mails.
DaveG: im so sorry that was my stupid friend who sent you those messages i left my computer on once again im very sorry i did look at your profile and i really liked what i saw i would be really interested in getting to know you
Me: You should log out before walking away from your computer. Thanks for the email. Good luck on here.
DaveG: so would you be interested in getting to know a man like me
A "man" like him?! You have got to be kidding me.
Me: No, thank you. I don't date smokers. Best of luck to you on here.
DaveG: ill try and quit for u and i dont smoke alot as it is
And I'm sure recreational drug users don't do a lot of crack as it is either, but I'd prefer to just stay away altogether.
DaveG: I have bonner
24-year-old Dave has a 2-year-old daughter, smokes often, is "much interested in anything that has to do with enjoying life" and is looking for a "looking for a decent girl with a good head on her shoulders." And he has a bonner.
Me: What does that even mean?
DaveG: it means u make my pee pee go boing boing wana fuk
Me: Well first off, you should learn how to spell. It's "BONER" not "BONNER."
Secondly, if you really are looking for "a good girl to get to know," then you shouldn't be sending these immature e-mails.
DaveG: im so sorry that was my stupid friend who sent you those messages i left my computer on once again im very sorry i did look at your profile and i really liked what i saw i would be really interested in getting to know you
Me: You should log out before walking away from your computer. Thanks for the email. Good luck on here.
DaveG: so would you be interested in getting to know a man like me
A "man" like him?! You have got to be kidding me.
Me: No, thank you. I don't date smokers. Best of luck to you on here.
DaveG: ill try and quit for u and i dont smoke alot as it is
And I'm sure recreational drug users don't do a lot of crack as it is either, but I'd prefer to just stay away altogether.
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